Some of the hardest conversations we will ever have are about death. How do you begin even to raise the subject with those you love? How do you talk about your deepest hopes and fears, your dreams for your life, your pain and anxiety, your concern for those around you?
Talking about death isn’t easy for anyone these days. Earlier generations didn’t share our hesitation. There is a line in the old Prayer Book which says: “In the midst of life we are in death”. For my grandparents generation that was true. Life expectancy was shorter. Most people would experience death in their family more often. The dead were buried in the centre of the village. Talking about the end of life was natural and normal.
Nowadays, no-one would dream of building a crematorium in the town centre. We build them on the edge of town, hidden behind trees. They are often disguised to look like libraries.
But whatever your religious beliefs, death is part of life. All of us will die. And all of us will come face to face with the death of those we love. Most people care very deeply about our life enduring in some way. Most can identify with a verse from the Bible which says that God has put eternity into our minds[1]. We yearn for something more, but we can’t always articulate what that something is.
The NHS now encourages patients who may be near the end of life to have an honest conversation with their GP about dying. That has to be a good thing.
Last week the Church of England launched a new initiative called Grave Talk. Grave Talk is an invitation to anyone in the wider community to come and have a conversation with others about bereavement, death and dying. Grave Talk is offered in a café style environment, over tea and cake. There are question cards on the tables to help people begin the discussion about death and dying, about funerals, about the journey of bereavement.
Grave Talk sits alongside the normal, regular ministry of Church of England clergy and lay ministers taking funerals in every community in the land. Many people still opt for a Church of England minister to take their funeral even though they may not be regular churchgoers. A funeral taken by a Church of England minister will always have a theme of hope, based on the Christian belief in resurrection from the dead. The Church and its ministers offer care both before and after the service from within the local community. Every funeral service is different, unique to the person who has died but bringing the great resources of Christian faith.
Grave Talk offers a way that people can think about these things in conversation with others long before they become a personal issue. I hope that many churches and many people in this Diocese will take up the idea from time to time.
As we are honest about the end of our lives, so many other things begin to fall into perspective. As we face the possibility of our own ending, so there is often a new beginning, a question, an enquiry about faith and life and meaning. A search begins which will often lead us back to God.
The Church has been helping people in our communities to reflect on questions of life and death for countless generations. Through all of that reflection the faith of the Church remains the same.
In the words of St Paul, used at every funeral service
“I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 8.38-39).
In Christ, there is no need to be afraid.
+Steven
[1] Ecclesiastes 3.11, RSV translation.
There is no hope apart from the Resurrection of Jesus. I wonder what sort of hope Stephen Croft has to offer as he regarded David Hallatt as a suitable person of be as assistant bishop. As David Hallatt was a supporter of David Jenkins who denied the resurrection I doubt it is a gospel hope.
Liz your misplaced compassion can mean that people end up in hell
No wonder people don’t want to come to church and think that Christianity isn’t relevant anymore when such inflammatory dogma comes from members. Compassion and comfort are needed in times of approaching death both for the dying and the to-be bereaved not harsh words
“In Christ, there is no need to be afraid”. How true that is. But the converse is also true. Outside of Christ there is every reason to be afraid. I hope that “Grave Talk” will include that warning to flee from the wrath to come which is so evident throughout the whole Bible, not least in the terrible words from our Lord’s own lips.
Thank you for those comforting words, Phil. It is very helpful and no doubt very comforting to the dying to be told on your deathbed that if you don’t conform to Phil Almond’s particular version of Christianity you will go to hell. No wonder people are fleeing the church an Christianity itself. Is this your sort of pastoral care? I would rather go to hell myself than conform to your beliefs.